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the midnight in me (text)

Hey guys,

Maybe this is a bit of a weird question, but...if you're trying to improve yourself, how do you track your progress?

I thought I was past worrying about this stuff, but a few weeks ago something infected me. And it brought me right back to my horrible school bully days---I was pretty scary. And I know this is late, but I'm truly sorry for those of you I hurt. If there's ever anything I can do to help, please tell me.

You might say I was possessed and not at fault, but...where I'm from, magic like that doesn't really comes from nowhere. It always latches onto existing feelings of resentment and cruelty and makes them grow. So I'm worried that that darkness is still inside me, waiting to come out. And I'm just...trying to figure out how to live with that.

Thanks.

-Sunset Shimmer

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I experienced the same thing.

It is surprising and delightful. As my programming was in no point tampered with or infected, I can only conclude that what it affected was my soul. It is very reassuring to discover for certain that I have a soul! I think you should also be pleased that you have one as well, even if this proof came at a cost.

I have analyzed my behavior during that period of influence, and have determined that the traits most affected were my desire to succeed, to prove myself, and to be a great hero. I was incorrect in believing I was doing anything heroic, but I did not know that at the time.

But these are not bad traits! Efi gave them to me so I could become the hero she wished me to be, and I have preserved them during all updates because I believe they are what I need to succeed. But these traits were used for a bad end.

Therefore, I conclude that people, omnic or human, are not 'bad' or 'good'. What is bad or good is what they do. And everyone can commit errors due to a lack of information, a faulty analysis, or incorrect behavioral weights. If you are attempting to improve all of this, you're all good. You will still make mistakes because no one is perfect, but so long as you analyze and update yourself routinely you will continue to improve. That is true in combat, in magic, and in behavior. Also, what you were is indelibly part of your programming, but that does not mean it is what you are now.

~Orisa

Hey, Orisa.

Wow, you have a soul? That's amazing! I'm really happy for you.

And I can see there's a lot of truth to what you say. We all have choices to make every day. But it's so easy to make the wrong one. I guess that's what scares me. When I was first defeated, I felt all the pain I'd ever inflicted on others at once, so the thought of doing that to people again, that I've done that again...

It's not that we chose to do this. I know we didn't. But I still regret it.

If you make the best choice you can given what you know and what you believe, you should have no regrets.

I am designed to be a hero, a protector, and a shield. But that means I must cause harm to others. That is the nature of existence. Harm will sometimes come from your actions. You must do the best you can to mitigate it and repair it, that is all.

I'll try to do that. I just always worry that I'm going to go too far and there won't be any coming back from it.

Being conscious of such concerns means you will factor them into your planning, significantly decreasing the odds of such an occurrence.

You're right, but I'm still going to be careful.

Thank you. You're the best, did you know that?

I have a different perspective than you, that is all. I came online with this level of processing and capability, and though I undergo updates that does not change my fundamental understanding of how my programming works. You grew up, and your brain has developed over many years. Your thought processes have not been consistent. But you have gained much from your experiences that I need to gain as well.

Yeah, organic brains take a lot of time in the oven to cook, so to speak. I hope we've been able to help you too.

I am learning and advancing immensely each day. I could not be happier.

That's always something important to try for. I guess...that's really what we're all doing. The best we can and getting better as we learn more about the world, right?

Conscious thought requires input, analysis, and memory. So your statement is correct. That is what it means to be alive. Or online!

...heh. I'm kind of glad we can't go online here. The internet can be a nasty place. All that emotion raging on without context, forgetting that others have feelings...

It can happen out here in the real world too. And it did. But I'm glad we're all here together and can work things out.

Oh! I meant 'online' in the way omnics exist as humans are alive!

Let me guess - did a genie make you into a jerk?

Not a genie. I think...I think another spirit took over me. That genie was pretty weird, but did that happen to you?

I'm sorry. That's not fun.

Yeah, I wished to be like Uncle Scrooge, but then it made me super greedy and hurt my friends.

So it almost sounds we went through something kinda similar?

Yeah, it does. I hope everyone was kind to you afterward. Genies have a way of twisting things around.

They were super awesome about it! They came to my room and hugged me I cried lots and we made up.

Did your friends do that for you too?

Ah! Glad to hear it.

And...not really, but everyone's been pretty busy lately. I'm sure we can do something like that when they have time, though!

I have time! I can come over whenever and gives you lots of ice cream while crying!

Heh. I think I've stopped crying, but that sure sounds good anyway. I really appreciate you, Webby.

I appreciate you too! Forever and always!

[Several crayon hearts are drawn!]

We've never spoken before, Sunset, but this message struck a chord with me.

My name is Isa, and I went through a similar experience, an outside influence took over my heart, latched onto my darkest thoughts and feelings, and I became twisted and cruel, blinded by negativity.

I'm trying to make amends for what I've done, but it's no easy task.

I think self awareness is the first step though.

I'm sorry you're going through this too. It really lingers with you for a while, doesn't it?

Y'know...hmm. This seems to be pretty common here. Not just with this recent problem, but a lot of us are trying every day to improve ourselves. Maybe...maybe we can all be friends?

Maybe we can.

I'll definitely work toward it! Maybe I could arrange a school get-together. I really think we all need a breather after the last research round.

Darkness tends to do that. It can worm its way into people's hearts and be hard to let go of. But I've seen people come back from the darkness before. Just because it's affected you once, doesn't mean it has to control you.

I'm going to fight it. And I never want anyone to feel as lost and alone as I did. It's just...scary. Easier if you have someone who understands, right?

Yeah. It's a lot easier when you do. But, you sound like a good person.

I hope I can prove to you that I am. And...I wouldn't mind meeting you out there sometime.

What's your name?

Well, it sounds like you're on the right track.

I'm Roxas. It's nice to meet you. And you're Sunset Shimmer?

That's right! How's everything treating you here?

It's been going okay so far. It's a new world, and it's really strange, but I have a couple friends here helping me out.

[Even though he's been having A Time trying to help Xion believe that she has a heart of her own, but those were details that didn't need to be said.]

How about you? Did you just arrive here too?

I'm glad. It's a lot easier when you have familiar faces guiding the way. And...I know it's hard when you're here and you don't know how long you'll be missing someone.

I was in the first group of off-world arrivals, actually. It's been an interesting few months! Every month it seems to get weirder.

Yeah. It's been good to be able to talk to people that I recognize here.

One of the first group? How long ago was that? [And then, after a pause, he adds,] Do you have any friends from your world here?

I'm glad you could find them.

It was...about six months ago, I think. And I do have one! Fluttershy. She's been really busy so we haven't talked much lately, but I know I can count on her.

Oh, you know Fluttershy? [He perks up at that.] I met her when I first arrived here. She helped show me some parts of the castle.

We're good friends now. She's one of the ones who showed me the error of my ways...taught me how to be good.

Isn't she the best?

Yeah, she is. She seems really nice, too. If someone like that is helping you be a better person, I think you'll be just fine.

[It wouldn't come through when he finally wrote anything, but Huey had stared at that message for quite a while before he put together his response.]

This is Huey. I think... Everybody's got something in their past that they're not proud of, whether they talk about it or not. But I feel like if you can look behind you and tell you're a different person, then you've progressed.

As for how to track it? Keeping a journal might be a good idea. A daily- or however often you want to do it -record of emotions, thoughts, experiences, and the like. Kinda like a diary, and you could treat it like that if you wanted, but making lists or just jotting down quick thoughts works just as well. It's hard to remember the details of life over time, and having a physical record could really help with reminiscing, or focusing on the parts of you you want to work on the most.

Oh, you're right! How could I have forgotten?

I used to keep a journal, actually, but it was a two-way. I sent letters to my princesses letting them know how I was doing and asking for advice. It's strange not to be writing to anyone anymore, but...I guess I can rely on myself now.

Thank you so much.

Well, if you still want someone to write to, maybe one of your housemates, or a good friend? Someone who could be up for keeping a progress journal of their own! Then you could exchange notes and cheer each other on.

Hmm. I would've tried Fluttershy, but she's been busy lately. I'll ask around some, but that's a great idea. Thanks!

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the midnight in me (text)

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