the midnight in me (text)

[burningbrighter]

Hey guys,

Maybe this is a bit of a weird question, but...if you're trying to improve yourself, how do you track your progress?

I thought I was past worrying about this stuff, but a few weeks ago something infected me. And it brought me right back to my horrible school bully days---I was pretty scary. And I know this is late, but I'm truly sorry for those of you I hurt. If there's ever anything I can do to help, please tell me.

You might say I was possessed and not at fault, but...where I'm from, magic like that doesn't really comes from nowhere. It always latches onto existing feelings of resentment and cruelty and makes them grow. So I'm worried that that darkness is still inside me, waiting to come out. And I'm just...trying to figure out how to live with that.

Thanks.

-Sunset Shimmer

Comments

[stillnewatthis]

I experienced the same thing.

It is surprising and delightful. As my programming was in no point tampered with or infected, I can only conclude that what it affected was my soul. It is very reassuring to discover for certain that I have a soul! I think you should also be pleased that you have one as well, even if this proof came at a cost.

I have analyzed my behavior during that period of influence, and have determined that the traits most affected were my desire to succeed, to prove myself, and to be a great hero. I was incorrect in believing I was doing anything heroic, but I did not know that at the time.

But these are not bad traits! Efi gave them to me so I could become the hero she wished me to be, and I have preserved them during all updates because I believe they are what I need to succeed. But these traits were used for a bad end.

Therefore, I conclude that people, omnic or human, are not 'bad' or 'good'. What is bad or good is what they do. And everyone can commit errors due to a lack of information, a faulty analysis, or incorrect behavioral weights. If you are attempting to improve all of this, you're all good. You will still make mistakes because no one is perfect, but so long as you analyze and update yourself routinely you will continue to improve. That is true in combat, in magic, and in behavior. Also, what you were is indelibly part of your programming, but that does not mean it is what you are now.

~Orisa

[burningbrighter]

Hey, Orisa.

Wow, you have a soul? That's amazing! I'm really happy for you.

And I can see there's a lot of truth to what you say. We all have choices to make every day. But it's so easy to make the wrong one. I guess that's what scares me. When I was first defeated, I felt all the pain I'd ever inflicted on others at once, so the thought of doing that to people again, that I've done that again...

It's not that we chose to do this. I know we didn't. But I still regret it.

[stillnewatthis]

If you make the best choice you can given what you know and what you believe, you should have no regrets.

I am designed to be a hero, a protector, and a shield. But that means I must cause harm to others. That is the nature of existence. Harm will sometimes come from your actions. You must do the best you can to mitigate it and repair it, that is all.

[burningbrighter]

I'll try to do that. I just always worry that I'm going to go too far and there won't be any coming back from it.

[stillnewatthis]

Being conscious of such concerns means you will factor them into your planning, significantly decreasing the odds of such an occurrence.

[burningbrighter]

You're right, but I'm still going to be careful.

Thank you. You're the best, did you know that?

[stillnewatthis]

I have a different perspective than you, that is all. I came online with this level of processing and capability, and though I undergo updates that does not change my fundamental understanding of how my programming works. You grew up, and your brain has developed over many years. Your thought processes have not been consistent. But you have gained much from your experiences that I need to gain as well.

[burningbrighter]

Yeah, organic brains take a lot of time in the oven to cook, so to speak.

I hope we've been able to help you too.

[stillnewatthis]

I am learning and advancing immensely each day. I could not be happier.

[burningbrighter]

That's always something important to try for. I guess...that's really what we're all doing. The best we can and getting better as we learn more about the world, right?

[stillnewatthis]

Conscious thought requires input, analysis, and memory. So your statement is correct. That is what it means to be alive. Or online!

[burningbrighter]

...heh. I'm kind of glad we can't go online here. The internet can be a nasty place. All that emotion raging on without context, forgetting that others have feelings...

It can happen out here in the real world too. And it did. But I'm glad we're all here together and can work things out.

[stillnewatthis]

Oh! I meant 'online' in the way omnics exist as humans are alive!